Bless me, Crunchy Moms Club members, for I have sinned. It has been a lifetime since my last confession. These are my sins:
That fruit tray I brought to the potluck?
Well, it wasn't organic. Like, not even a little bit.
I didn't buy each fruit individually and wash it and cut it up and lovingly arrange it on the colourful platter it arrived on, like I maybe led you all to believe. (Though it really didn't arrive that way, did it? The pieces of fruit slid all over the place under the plastic wrap en route, so by the time we made it there, it was more like an unsophisticated fruit salad).
No. Instead, I went to the grocery store, lugging three sweaty, whiny, bickering children along with me. I walked in, occasionally turning over my shoulder to nag them to keep up and keep their hands to themselves.
I grabbed the bulky clear plastic inorganic fruit tray that was pre-arranged by the grocery store employee, and I dragged my three kids to the check out. We paid and went home, but not before enduring fights over who got to touch the debit machine keypad, and who got to hold the receipt, and who got to grab the change, and "for god's sake DON'T PUT THAT QUARTER NEAR YOUR MOUTH!"
When I got home, I shamefully pulled a tray from my cupboard. The bright one with the flowers and the leaves that makes me look a bit more pulled together at potlucks. Like I'm trying. And I opened the bulky clear plastic grocery store fruit tray, and I put it all on that fancy-pants tray.
Except the strawberries, I didn't bring those. Sisters, I spared you the strawberries 'cause, you know, Dirty Dozen.
I wish I could say that I did this on account of being so dreadfully busy. You know, I just didn't have the time to get it together. #WhatAMorning #MomLife and all that jazz.
Sometimes, that IS true. Sometimes it really is A Morning. Sometimes, it really really is Mom Life in a way that makes me wonder how I'm not inhaling (organic) chocolate in the bathroom all day, or texting to suggest/plead that we run to the woods with a secret stash or a bottle of wine. (That's why I don't have a hidden stash of chocolate, Sisters. Because I have zero self-control and that doesn't bode well for a woman with anxiety and body image shit).
But you knew that. Because some of you have dropped by (organic) chocolate when I've been in need, even without me ever saying a word. A stash just large enough to get me through the day. That is Sisterhood.
This morning, I was too busy... checking the analytics on my blog, drinking (organic) coffee, and falling down a Facebook rabbit hole.
Also. Damn it. Also...
I've already lied within this confession to you. I didn't drag my kids into the grocery store for the fruit tray. I left them in the van. I ran in by myself. I left them alone and without adult supervision for five minutes JUST SO I wouldn't have to nag them to keep up, keep their hands to themselves, fight them for the change, and cringe when they manhandled the germ-covered pin pad.
I also left them unattended in the van while I ran back into the house to disguise the offending inorganic fruit on the fancy platter.
CMC Sisters, I broke so many rules today. Pesticide consumption, knowingly dealing pesticide-laden goods, lying by omission to my Sisters, and abandoning my children on two separate occasions.
I know this may earn me a demerit point or two in the Crunchy Moms Club. It may even get me booted. But I'm willing to risk that in exchange for honesty and a clear conscience. I'm willing to do penance.
The truth is, you Sisters are a lifeline. For all of the "crunchy" values we share, I feel safe to be who I need to be-- whether that is a woman who meditates or someone who leans for a little while on pharmaceuticals. Whether I co-sleep, or choose to put my baby in a crib. Whether I converse wisely and patiently, or I rage with expletives. I love that within the Sisterhood, nothing has been too outrageous or off limits. Your friendship teaches me something each time we are together.
And it is here that I close, asking for forgiveness for my transgressions. I love you all.
Yours in CMC Sisterhood,
PS One more thing!! That vegan chickpea spread I made from scratch and brought? All totally organic.