We want control, don't we? Of our emotions, our path, others' emotions and actions, of what happened, what didn't happened, what might happen...
...It's all coming from a fear of the unknown, a resisting of change, a wanting to have all of the answers, a desire to avoid pain.
But what happens when we tie all of our energy up into worrying about what we, ultimately, have no control over? And how can we learn to release the patterns of grasping at what doesn't belong to us?
There seems to be a gorgeous and complex balance of having the responsibility of co-creating and manifesting our desires in this life, while simultaneously giving over to the uncertainty of what will be. That is to say, we attract the energies we release outward, while at the same time, we have zero control over the energies others choose to (unconsciously and consciously) release. Nor can we always know why the Universe is unfolding as it is. There are lessons we've come here to attempt to learn, and it remains our choice whether we learn them or not, but we have no way of knowing how those lessons will present themselves to us.
A part of surrendering to what we can't control is surrendering to the fact that in the physical, life is imperfect. So much of our anxiety and struggle comes from a compulsion with perfecting that which cannot be perfected. The perceived flaws we have with ourselves, one another, and the environment around us, are opportunities to learn the lessons we've come to learn. If we bring a sense of trust to this, we're more able to relax into each present moment, opening ourselves to whatever is. Because another truth is, if there is something in the moment that we have the power to change, it is the way we choose to perceive the moment. We must also see the moment for what it is first, before we can exact any change on it, if it is in our power to do so.
Compassion for whatever is happening, moment-to-moment, can be thought of as another antidote to releasing our choke-hold on the ebb and flow of life-energy within us. Compassion for ourselves and our fears, compassion for others' fears. No one is without fear- it's just another fact of the imperfection of life here in the physical realm. We can choose to stay stuck in those fears, or we can breathe and remind ourselves, "Right, this is fear and I can learn from this." Fear doesn't have to be the enemy, it can be a tool from which we re-orient ourselves and our choices. It can also be a pathway to compassion and empathy, a way back to remembering our common link with the rest of life here.
Change. Impermanence. These two factors are undeniable facts of life. If we could relax and release our fears around impermanence- because truthfully, nothing in life is permanent, except for the power of Love- we might find a kind of excitement and curiosity in what is to come. Life might cease to be something we're battling to "win." We might, instead, dare to live the adventure rather than cowering in anticipation of the unknown. Wouldn't it be pretty thrilling to be able to say, "I have no idea what's ahead, but I am trusting with all of my Heart that I won't be handed anything that my Soul isn't made for." Trust as well that those you love, worry, and stress about are made of the same brilliant Light as you! Their lessons and adventures are unfolding exactly as they should. No one has all of the answers, and we don't have to!
I'd like to share a little bit of the inspiration of why I am choosing to write and share this piece with all of you. Because here's something I can admit outright: sometimes, I SUCK at trusting and giving up my compulsion to attempt manipulation of this adventure called life. As I've written in a recent post, part of the beauty of sharing my gifts is existing as student and teacher simultaneously. I've never been awake to so many spiritual learning opportunities than I have since starting this website! As I'm a conduit for healing and guidance, I'm forever learning and releasing my own patterns of fear.
I'm currently pregnant with my third child. Those who know me personally, know I am a self-professed pregnancy and birth junkie. In fact, one of my other jobs outside of working in mediumship and as a stay-at-home-mom, is in the birthing world as a doula and midwife's second attendant. So, imagine my surprise when I learned that in this pregnancy, I am growing not only a baby and his/her placenta, but also a placental cyst as well. Up until one month ago, I didn't know placental cysts existed, and for good reason- they're relatively rare, or so I have learned in my research.
After learning of the cyst, and out of the love for my unborn child, spawned a tremendous amount of panic. Why was the cyst there? What did it mean? What would happen to the baby? What would happen to me? Could I make it go away?
I need to re-iterate again: out of the love for my baby, grew my fears. So, so, so much of our FEAR comes from either perceived self-preservation, or what we perceive love to be. That is how much we are Love at our core! This is yet another reason not to view Fear as the enemy, but rather as an insightful tool or guide back to who we really are and the freedom that brings.
From where I stand right now, I'm 100% unsure of what the cyst will do: whether it will grow, shrink, remain the same size, or have an affect on the baby. (I will say that so far, Baby is doing absolutely great). I'm not a robot, of course my brain goes into moments of "what ifs," and of course I want the best outcome for my baby. The point in sharing is to illuminate that there was and is nothing I can do about the existence of the cyst. I cannot control the outcome. I can control how I perceive the situation right now in this moment. And what I am choosing to do is trust that everything will unfold as it should. However it unfolds, I will be presented with opportunities to have faith, compassion, and courage. That energy will hopefully keep me anchored in the present, where any power that I do have exists, rather than grappling with what has already happened, or what is to come.
My Love and Gratitude to you for sharing in this piece of my adventure.
Sending you much Light on your adventure. May you trust the process. May you also trust the opportunity for growth, wisdom, and Love inherent in each moment.